VERY Emotional Day

Well, today has been a very emotional day. When we found out that we were pregnant with our "angel baby" one of our close friends also found out that they were expecting. We were so excited because we got pregnant almost exactly at the same time. I was 3 days further along than she was and we were so excited because we were going to get to experience our pregnancies together. Well of course when we found out that we lost our little one, we were devastated. But, at the same time, we were still very happy for our friends and their healthy little one.

Well, this coming Monday our friends get to find out whether they are having a boy or girl. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled for them. But at the same time I am SAD. Since I was 3 days further along than her, TODAY should have been OUR appointment day to find out what we would have been having. Their pregnancy is kind of a bitter, sweet reminder of what should have been happening to us at the exact time it is happening to them.

In a way, I think I could have a little more comfort in our loss if I just knew if we had son or daughter. But, on the other hand, I think about how much more attached I would have been if I knew that and I know it would have hurt us even more. Even though I can't imagine it hurting even more than it did, I know deep down in my heart that it would have been close to unbareable for me and I know God knew I couldn't handle that. He wanted to strengthen our faith, not break it. And even though it was a tough situation and I did have a lack of faith at times, my faith has been strengthened in so many ways because of our loss and now I am thankful for all that has happened. I've learned that it is ok to be sad at times. God is here to comfort us when we are sad and he's also there to remind us that "Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning" Psalms 30:5. He knows what is best for us and if we trust in him, our lives will be filled with JOY!