Happy/ Sad Day

Yesterday was DH and I's 3 year anniversary so I took another preg test just to see and of course, it was negative. This just ruined my day. I DREAMED of how it would be to find out that we were pregnant on our anniversary and when those dreams didn't come true, I was crushed! It was so hard to hold my emotions back. This month has been VERY stressful, not only for me but DH as well. He is such a sweetheart though. He knew how stressful this month had been so he bought me a gift card to the spa to get a message! How sweet is that! I Love Him so much!
Then today.....AF SHOWED UP! I still had hope that the test was still wrong yesterday but today gave me proof that the test was RIGHT! I thought knowing what was going on with my body would lessen the stress that IF causes but in real life, it makes it worse. Mainly because you know that everything went right but you still didn't end up pregnant. Then your mind starts running through the "What went wrongs?". Oh well, I guess the is no way to have a stress free month when ttc!!!!

Patience? Never heard of it....lol

I've always been good at being patient but I have learned that when it comes to taking a pregnancy test, I am NOT patient at all! It just seems like the days go by so SLOW!!! I have already taken 2 pregnancy tests and I'm only 12 days past trigger shot! But both came back negative! I know it's still early but it has gotten me down. I have a bad feeling that even though EVERYTHING went perfect this month, it just didn't work this time! I know I shouldn't be so negative but I guess that is just my way of protecting myself from being TOO HURT if it really didn't work! I've promised myself that I am not going to take another test and wait and see if my period shows up. She is due friday so I'm praying that she don't come!!!!

Progesterone Check

Tuesday the 15th I had to get my progesterone checked. The doc wanted it to be above 15 and she said if it wasn't I would have to take progesterone suppositories again. YUCK! I did not want to do that again. But good news is that it came back at 29.4! Very good. This doesn't mean much. It just means that I successfully ovulated and that my progesterone is high enough to sustain a pregnancy if it were to happen. Things are looking good, but i'm not getting my hopes up!

+ OPK and Ultrasound

The RE said to use a opk on CD 12 and if ANY line came up on the test side is considered a positive to them. Well, I don't think I have ever had a test that didn't have a line. So just what I thought, on day 12 I took a test and like usual there was a faint line. DH and I discussed whether I should call or just wait another night. I didn't want to go in and it be WAY too early, but DH reminded me that it's better to be early then too late so I went ahead and called. You have to leave a message at the doc office stating your positive surge and every bit of information that you can think of on an answering machine. Lol!
At 6:30am the next day they called and asked me what time I wanted to get my ultrasound done. If you don't know me personally, I will go ahead and tell you that I am NOT a early bird. So I kind of pushed the time as far as I could and said is 8:45 too late? She said that was fine and I was happy because I could get another hour of sleep!!!
When I went for the ultrasound I told the nurse that I wasn't sure if I came too early or not but I DID get a line on my opk. She was super sweet and said the same thing DH did (better early than late). As soon as she started the ultrasound she said "WOW you have some big follicles! That's great!". I started getting excited! She said that she wanted to measure my uterine lining before measuring the follicles. She said that WANT at least a .8 thickness and I was a whopping 1.2! AWESOME! Then she said that a mature follicle was at least 1.8cm and I had 6 growing follicles in all. The first was 2.2cm (MATURE), the next was 1.74 (VERY CLOSE TO MATURE), and the last 4 were 1.5 and below (NOT MATURE ENOUGH). So the nurse was VERY excited and said that I came in just in time and I can get my HCG trigger shot. She said the trigger shot will mature the eggs a little more so I will have probably 2 mature by the time ovulation occurs! YAY!!!
I LOVE KNOWING WHAT IS GOING THROUGHOUT THE MONTH INSTEAD OF GUESSING!!!!!
So we made love for the next 3 days and now we WAIT!!!

Starting Clomid

I got my results that evening and the doc didn't seem too concerned about the numerous number of follicles that I had. He didn't want me to take any additional meds so he gave me the go ahead to start the clomid. The only thing that I thought was different was that she wanted me to start taking the meds on CD 5-9 instead of what my gyn had me on CD 3-7. I'm excited to back in the ttc journey! My RE said that on CD 12 i need to start opk testing and if I get ANY line to call and schedule an appointment for an ultrasound to see if I have any matures follicles. And if I do she will give me a shot of HCG which will make me ovulate within 48 hours and hopefully increasing our chance of catching that little egg. I'm feel so calm this month because im not having to guess at what is going on! I'm loving getting to get ultrasounds and find out what is going on throughout the month instead of just guessing! Please say a prayer that this will be our month!!!!

Af came 7 days early!!!! YAY!

Af showed up on May 27! It only took af 7 days to come instead of the 14. Wow that was such a relief. I called that day and scheduled my bloodwork and baseline ultrasound for the next morning. After I got off the phone the realization that I am going to have to have a vaginal ultrasound done on CD 2 of my period really grossed me out. If the ultrasound doesn't make you uncomfortable enough lets just add you heaviest day of your cycle to it!!! Oh well I guess if that's what I have to do to make our dreams come true then it is totally worth it.

Well as soon as I came into the office they wanted me to go ahead and get the ultrasound done before the bloodwork. Well as soon as it began the nurse said, "Wow, you have got a very thick lining in your uterus which means that you are going to have a VERY heavy period this month"!! Well that was not what I wanted to hear! Lol! They she went on to check my ovaries for cysts. Well good news was that I didn't have any large cysts that would prevent me from starting my meds BUT I did have about 20 small cysts (which are immature eggs) on EACH side of my ovaries! WOW 40 immature eggs!!! She told me that that was a pretty sure sign of PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) which means that each month my body tries to mature ALL of those eggs instead of just ONE which explains why I do not ovulate because there is not enough hormones to mature ALL of them. She said that she would let the doc check the pics and see if they want to put me on glucophage or not.

Then they took my bloodwork and said that they would call that afternoon with the results. Again, I'm loving the same day results thing!!!!

First of many RE Visits

On May 20 I went to the RE to get some bloodwork done and a progesterone oil shot in order to get my period going again. The nurse said that it could take 2-14 days for af to show up. WHAT??? I chose to go for the shot instead of taking the pills in hopes that the shot will bring on af sooner. But 14 DAYS!!! I didn't want to wait that long. They asked me if I had eaten anything that day yet which I hadn't. I'm not a huge breakfast fan so it is not unusual for me not to eat breakfast. Now the other two meals, that's another story! Lol! Anyways, because I hadn't eaten they decided to go ahead and do my fasting test again. The insulin leaves came back a little elevated when they took it the first time when I was pregnant so they wanted to check it again. After the visit they told me that I would get all my results back that afternoon! SAME DAY RESULTS!!!! I'm loving this place already! By around 2 or 3 they called and said that all my bloodwork came back fine and my insulin levels were back to normal. Such a relief! They said to call and schedule more bloodwork and a baseline ultasound as soon as af started!

I truly believe my stress level has decreased a ton just by seeing the aggressive monitoring the RE does. I'm excited to get started. Let's just hope I'm not the lucky few that has to wait the entire 14 days for af to show up!

Needing some Blog-Therapy

A lot has happened withing the last 2 months which is why I am in serious need to blog and let some of my feeling and worry's flood out on this page. In April DH and I decided to begin the ttc journey again. As of Apri, I had only had one period since January and that was because the doc proscribed provera. DH and I discussed our option on whether to go back to our gyn or start back with our RE, whether to stay with clomid or move on to injectables, but one question we didn't have to discuss was whether we were ready to start trying again. We longed for another baby so bad that it hurt. We would have started trying again a month after if our doc would have let us. But I'm glad he didn't. We needed that time to mourn our loss more than we knew.

After several discussions we decided to stay with our gyn and to stay with clomid. Mainly the clomid because of financial costs and the hope that it will work again. DH told me that he just didn't feel like he wanted to go back to the RE just yet. So we stuck with the gyn but we soon found out that it wasn't worth it. I got a little aggrivated at my doc because he started me back at the VERY beginning. He gave me 50mg of clomid to take which I knew wouldn't work because neither the 50mg or the 100mg even worked last time. Which he might have to do that with that drug but it still aggrivated me. He could have discussed it with me. Then when it came time to get blood work results on day 21 the nurses kept giving me the run around. I would leave a message with the nurse and she wouldn't call me back. It took three days to finally get my results which confirmed that the 50mg did NOT work. I was so frustrated that I told DH that I didn't want to go back to them.

DH prayed about and came to me one day and said that he was ready to go back to the RE. He knew how much the gyn had stressed me out. The whole month is nothing but a guessing game because they do absolutely no monitoring except CD21 bloodwork. I explained to DH that just because we go to the RE doesn't mean that we have to jump straight to injectables. We can still do the clomid but have them do more monitring so that we have a clearer idea of what is going on during the month. So at the middle of May I called the RE and set up and appointment.