Questions Still UNANSWERED.....

Well a year ago today (Jan 5, 2010) we lost our sweet baby. I went in at 6:00 am to the surgical center and was put to sleep for my d&c. I don't want to go back into details or get myself upset again by re-living that day so I am just going to link you to the blog I wrote about it and the days that followed. D&C DAY and DAYS LATER. Those next few days had me questioning God. Not only about what had happened, but even about who he is. How he could let that happen. I know it's wrong to question God in any way, but in times like those i think God forgives us for not trusting in him. He understands that we are at our lowest and we have to learn that the only way up is to have faith. The sad thing is that even today I wish I knew the answer to at least ONE of the questions that I begged God to tell me. "WHY?" That's all I wanted and STILL want to know today. I can only hope that one day God will show me why he let such a thing happen to us. Why he made us go through all that pain? Why he tested our faith so much? Why would he take away the thing that meant the most to us? And why infertility and miscarriage is now a part of our lives? Ok, so there is a lot of "Why" questions that I would love to know. I have a feeling that 20 years from now I will still be asking these same questions, but in the end I have learned that it all boils down to FAITH. Faith in God and his plans for us.

I know i haven't been blogging much and what little I have been blogging has been about past events and emotions and I'm sorry I've been a "Debbie Downer" here lately. It's been a hard past few weeks and even though it has been a whole year ago that all this has happened, it still feels like it happened yesterday. I'm ready to get back to the TTC journey but unfortunately it looks like Mid February is when we will start trying again. That kind of makes me sad but maybe the wait will pay off. I don't have much to blog about and that's why I haven't been blogging a lot. I promise I will try and do better though. LOL.